Every kid starts out a whole being. We know we can do anything. We speak our minds. We yell, scream—we JUMP AROUND like the crazy joyous freaks we were born to be. We write silly poems in our journals thinking it is the most profound shit that was ever written in the history of the universe.
Photo by RealityTC
We believe it when people tell us that we CAN BE ANYTHING we want to be.
We BELIEVE that we are as beautiful as our parents tell us. We don’t listen to our siblings telling us how much we suck—cuz DUH—WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW!
Then somewhere along the way somebody says something that stings—something that we think about for days or weeks or maybe even years.
It starts on the playground, in the classroom, at dance class, in football practice, behind the bleachers, or at home—and soon the shadow of doubt is your new evil roommate. “You aren’t all that smart. You’re kinda pretty—if you factor in the ugly people. Congrats on being last dumbass.” We have barely scratched the surface of our potential in life yet we start thinking we’re not good enough.
And presto! That is when the FAKE YOU is born!
The one who doesn’t take any chances. The one who wears what everyone else is wearing. The one who tries to be cool and takes no chances. The one who does a great job being perfectly unremarkable.
Sometimes even after we’ve successfully navigated past what we thought was a mountain of baggage we launch our career or finally get that fucking awesome job we’ve always wanted, there’s some psycho boss who is threatened by us. They take issue with way we look—our brilliant ideas, our youth, gender or sexual orientation, attention we’re getting from our peers or our desire to succeed. We can feel the daggers flying our way and everything coming out of their mouth screams, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
It starts in childhood and it never stops UNTIL YOU STOP IT.
A manager at one of my shitty college jobs once said to me that I would never amount to anything because I didn’t come from a wealthy family. Growing up in a wealthy community it was hard not to feel that way sometimes. But I felt truly sorry for that person because that is exactly the kind of shit you should completely ignore. Obviously someone once told them that and they believed it.
At another job I was told to never speak to the president of the company if I found myself in the elevator with him—unless he spoke to me first. Thinking this was complete lunacy; I ignored the rule and was invited to a brainstorming session with people three pay grades above me.
The world is full of people who will proclaim you are not good enough.
If you’ve never been told how much you suck, then you’ve probably been playing it very safe. And the truth is, sometimes you’re gonna be a star, and sometimes you’re not. You could be well liked and rewarded at one job and dogged and dissed at the next. Your star is gonna rise—and yes—it is gonna fall too. But last time I checked, there is no limit for the number of comebacks you get.
After decades of trying to live authentically, but constantly finding myself up against society’s self-appointed authorities of everything, I finally discovered a few critical truths:
1. Anything ANYONE has to say about you is completely and utterly worthless when it comes to finding true happiness.
2. If you have something to say or something to give, there is somebody who is going to be happy to receive it.
3. If you do what you want to do in a spirit of giving and not taking, you are going to be rewarded for it.
The truth is we are wonderful, unique bits of stardust and to live anything but the way you want is a waste of something great. Unfortunately, it’s hard to FEEL great if you’re living in a shithole of self-loathing. So I’m going to tell you the secret to climbing out of that particular brand of hellhole with out spending a fortune on shrinks and self-help books like I did:
Turn off EVERYTHING that doesn’t inspire you.
Tune out social media, your mom, boss and your roommate—including your evil shadow self—and that one pretend best friend who makes you feel worse rather than better. If you have kids, put them in kid cages (or something more parent appropriate like asking for family support); and listen to your own voice for change! Listen hard, because it might take you awhile to actually hear it! Stop trying to fit into everyone else’s mold—that’s like putting on someone else’s wet swimsuit. You can’t easily stop caring about what other people think (at first), but you can minimize its impact on your psyche.
The most important opinion you need to hear is your own.
If you make peace with your opinion of yourself, others may still think you suck, but something interesting starts to happen—people who are open to your message will come into your life. More importantly, you will have opened yourself up to the possibility of actually loving yourself—and I promise you this is the ultimate magical unicorn key to the universe and everything. (Note to geeks: Not 42!)
Illustration by RealityTC
I’m not going go all The Law Of Attraction on you in this post, but I have found its principals to be absolutely true. What you put out into the Universe is exactly what you are going to get back. It’s just that simple. You don’t need to believe it for it to be true.
Before deciding to launch this blog, I came up against all kinds of negative feedback—before I had even put a pen to virtual paper.
I won’t be listening to those people because this blog is not for them.
This blog is for all the people who ever thought they weren’t good enough—all the people who are ready to throw something better out to the Universe but are still figuring it out. It’s for all the would-be artists and writers and filmmakers, dancers and journalists, politicians and entrepreneurs and anyone else who stopped thinking they could change the world because someone told them they couldn’t—
BECAUSE YOU CAN.
And that is a scary and awesome thing.
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